Making my way from Cotton Blossom to Steel Magnolia

Sunday, August 25, 2013

I'll Write When

I don't know when to write.
I don't know what to write for that matter.

Of course, my first goal was to start blogging again after the surprise preemie of Finneas.

But something went wrong as hell..

And things got really bad.

Post Partum Psychosis, my official diagnosis.
The Nothing as I call it, took control of my life.  Eighteen months of my own personal hell.  I cant describe what its like to be a mother who looks at her children and feels nothing.
The Nothing took my ability to love.
The Nothing took everything.

My second attempt at a writing goal was to write when things got better.
Guess what?
They didn't.

After that I said I would write when I got better.  Be brave with my story so that others will be brave with theirs.
Turns out 'better' is a rather objective term.

Then comes, I will write about it when Im ready to talk about it. 

Then I decided that I don't really want to talk about it and I don't really have to. What I went through was very intimate and it is well guarded for a reason.

Just know that I was very, very sick but I am working very, very hard to get better.

Besides its a super long and complicate story!

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